this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
