Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
