How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
