Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I want to be your penis for a week.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Randomize
