Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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