I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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