a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
