WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
