You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
