I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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