What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
