i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Pants are for mortals
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
