he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
