Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
