i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
