I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
