YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
You're completely useless in the revolution.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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