can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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