You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
