Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
