she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
