You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
