So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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