Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
