I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
