i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
