Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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