I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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