good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
