? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
