I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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