so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Dick very happy bro
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
