It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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