He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
