chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
