Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
