If that was your dad, he is hot
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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