I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
