and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
