I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I'm always down for nudity.
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