soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
