I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
