why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
