I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
