i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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