They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
