im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
