i already hear my dad disowning me
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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