i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
