At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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