It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
