yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Randomize
