shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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