Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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