hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
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