Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Randomize
