We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
